Love Is A Happy Addition
It’s the month of February and obviously Valentine’s Day is around the corner so I figured this would be a good time to share my thoughts on love and the love seen through the eyes of a gal like me.
So I think this is a topic that has stirred a lot of conversation on wine nights and girl talks all over the world. In a time where women empowerment is taking society by storm, the opinions on what is “desirable” has definitely seen its own shades of grey I should say – or maybe red? Haha. I was reading an article in which Priyanka Chopra, Quantico/Bollywood Fame, recently went on to talk about how she doesn’t need a man to validate her and faced a lot of negativity because of that. People called her a man hater to which she responded “A guy should not feel needed, he should feel wanted”.
AMEN.
For the FIRST TIME, in a very long time, I felt proud that a woman of that caliber and fame finally spoke the truth to something I’ve believed in for a long time. Just like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s speech (the excerpt from ***Flawless), we tell girls to aspire to marriage instead of ambition and success. Women end up comparing themselves to each other and compete for the love of a man but in reality, is that really the right thing to do? We tell girls to be independent but then shame them when they are single because they are ambitious, strong and can take of themselves. We tell girls that they need men, or that we should make sure that men “feel needed”. Right. Because that sounds so genuine? I’ve heard a lot of people echo this and it disappoints me. Basically you’re telling me that 100% needy/clingy girls, who are not self-sufficient, are the ones who are most desirable? Does that make other girls heartless? Are those girls doomed forever? In the brown culture I come from, the most ideal girls are trophy wives who haven’t accomplished much in life and make their boyfriend/partner/spouse their priority. Guys expect girls to put them on a pedestal- I’ve seen people lose themselves in trying to serve their guys and still fall short or wake up one day, realize they don’t have any purpose in life and their relationship soon falls apart.
Not saying being in love will make a woman weak. I’ve actually felt my most empowered when I worked on myself and then fell for someone. I am a strong, pretty independent and self-sufficient girl and yet I’ve experienced the greatest love of my existence and it is a beautiful thing. (WOAH PLOT TWIST) I call it the greatest love because I never needed him, I wanted him. That love never diminished, it has only grown over time. I am still a work in progress, but after putting in the time — I’m confident I can hold my own hand. I’m a multi-faceted, complex woman who is bound together by contradictions, flaws and an authentic love and respect for who I am. When you love yourself and don’t need to fill any voids or needs, then the love you have for someone comes from the most genuine place. I full heartedly believe in this. 5 years ago, I didn’t feel that way about myself. I don’t even think I liked myself enough so when I fancied guys in college, it never quite felt right after sometime. After college, once I realized that it was time to grow up, work and be the best version of myself, then it all fell into place.
Love will only add to one’s life if you are secure with yourself. Love will only be a wonderful extra force, something to propel you to a higher place of happiness. But it’s not something that will validate your existence. Love is not something you should hope will swoop in and save you from yourself. Don’t look for a person to come in and fix the broken parts of you. Strive for a love that is derived out of genuine passion, authentic desire, crazy attraction and die-hard respect — not co-dependence and the all-consuming fear of being alone.
Love should be a welcomed addition-the purest love of all.