Life Isn't About Setbacks, It's About Comebacks

It's been a few months since my last post! WOW, time flies!

I know I’ve talked about finding your passion, finding love, working on your wellness, outgrowing the past but as we approach the end of the year, I figured it was time to talk about a topic that is universally sensitive to everyone and their moms: Confidence.

Confidence is a very daunting trait to have. The folks who put themselves out there and take on the world are the ones we are “envious” of. Most of the time, we hide behind our electronic devices and keep tabs on everyone else, drooling over their highlight reels and life events while moping over ours in comparison. We applaud those who share their thoughts and beliefs on a social platform or in real life, yet we passively go through the motions of life just hoping to get by and call it a day.  Why?

The biggest pet peeve I have when it comes to all this is the following: People not believing in themselves. If others can do it, why can’t you?! Let’s push aside the mentality that “Oh that’s just not me” that has plagued our society. No Susan, tell me why you can’t wear that hot dress you’ve been eying at Club Monaco for about 6 weeks now or why you can’t ask the guy you’ve been crushing on for months out for a drink just because you think you’re not good enough?! Why don’t you fight that promotion you’ve worked hard for? Whose opinion are you truly worried about? Think about the amount of times you as an individual have focused on other people’s strengths and accomplishments instead of worrying about your own? When and where did you lose faith in yourself?

We ALL have our insecurities as well as skeletons in our closet that come out every now and then to haunt us. We have all been “that guy” or “that girl” in situations we may or may not be proud of. We all have that one thing that brings us down daily and sometimes the biggest struggle is to get out of bed and take on the day. Let me tell you something, you’re not alone. I’ve been there and it isn’t fun.

Behind all the pretty pictures, big smiles, happy times, and the glamourous lifestyle, I had hit rock bottom even more bottom than Drake ever did. In the last few years, I have lost everything I had once worked for or imagined I would have. I’ve gotten rejected from jobs I was gunning for. I’ve seen people get the opportunities at work I was hoping to get. I have been betrayed and blindsided by people I never imagined were capable of doing so. I have lost close friends to the point where I couldn’t keep track of who was still there. I’ve been ghosted on apps or stood up on dates more times than I can count at this point. I lost someone I truly cared about and that relationship meant the world to me. I have been openly berated and mocked by people I respected or looked up to just for being myself. I’ve had lifelong health/skin problems that have kept me awake at night for months and made me self-conscious in public. I’ve had to compromise more than I have ever wanted to in this lifetime and lastly, “sorry” had become a word I misused for things I was never guilty of.

There I said it, I’ve exposed my skeletons. I’ve shared my baggage. I’ve lifted the curtains and I’m not embarrassed about it. That’s life and it is what it is.

The beauty in all of this “hurt” is that none of that stopped me from living my best life, despite the circumstances. I wasn’t scared for what could possibly go wrong next. When you truly hit rock bottom and have nothing left to lose, that’s when you find your confidence. Rock bottom could mean different things to different people but whatever that may be, it should shape you into the person you want to be. In my honest opinion, life does not begin at the end of your comfort zone but when you realize that there’s no one else that can save you but you. Your boss isn’t going to save you, people are fickle and your significant other is not going to make up for the qualities you wish you had in yourself. You have it in you every single day to make little changes and embrace the “true you” to be successful in this world and that will build your self-confidence in due time.

As painful as it was to recount everything I just listed out, I am so beyond thankful for those experiences and life lessons. Seriously. You might be thinking “LOL Nicole w t f, you’re wild!” (or maybe you’re thinking something much worse and that’s okay).  I’m not going to tell you that it’s all rainbows and butterflies but I’m also not going to lie and say that what you’ve seen isn’t real. It’s all real. In my world, life is colorful even on the cloudiest of days. I wanted to prove it to myself as well as others that life isn’t about setbacks, it’s about comebacks and I’m here to stay. In doing so, I have rebuilt my foundation in such a way that no one can take away this peace I have maintained and this confidence I have built upon. I am sincerely proud of who I am today.

My mom once told me "sappy sad stories are good to watch but not fun to live" so change your ways and overcome your hurdles. Be an alpha, someone who does not let their shortcomings or baggage hinder them. Someone who makes the best of every day they have on this earth. F*ck the haters, screw the naysayers and let them all eat cake. Work on being the best version of yourself and build your own legacy so you’re not envying someone else’s when you’re grey haired and retired. Own your decisions and believe in yourself so you’re not spending 30 mins of your day on what others have in their homes instead of decorating yours. There’s no better time to bring change in your life than the start of the new year and your time starts now.

Go.