Trust Me, No One Wants To Date Your Ego

Last year, I wrote about love and what it means to me (scroll down for a refresher).

A year later, my views on love have not changed at all but I want to talk about the ever evolving dating culture we are now dealing with. As a twenty something, and hopefully a normal human being, we’ve all thrown ourselves into the dating pool. After years of practice and observation, I have confirmed that f*ckboying is an epidemic.

A few weeks ago, I sat down with a group of male acquaintances and one of the guys said “Omg look at what this girl texted me: ‘Why can’t I get you off my mind?’” The guy next to me laughed and responded with “Oh yeah don’t answer that, you don’t need that shit.” I played along and said “Yeah that girl’s a rookie,” but in reality, my heart sank because I felt like I was betraying her and other girls who have also been put in that position, unknowingly and don’t know what they’re dealing with. You know why?

1. Guys like that are classic attention-seekers and show-offs.

2. He will probably respond later on because who doesn’t like female attention?! (Even if he made fun of her to his friends).

3. I have experienced that myself

Unfortunately, that group of guys represents a large amount of fellow 20-something males, who love to have the best of both worlds: that “player player” life while still wanting biddies to stick around and talk to them. Don’t get me wrong; is it enticing? Yes. Is it worth it? Meh, no. We live in an age where now the status quo matters more than morals, and people have truly become disposable. We belittle those who express themselves and take risks and support those who are “less invested”. When did dating become a competition of egos and who truly cares less? People on the f*ckboy side don’t know how much courage it takes to reach out to the other person, and yet there are so many instances where we just make fun of said person for making an effort or expressing feelings, or better yet, making them feel inferior by not responding and blowing them off.

Its human nature to take the easy way out, but that path doesn’t get you anywhere at the end of the day. If one person bores us or maybe wants something real, there’s another option available that we can entertain until things become difficult again. I can’t tell you how many times my friends and I have talked to guys/matches, gave them a fair chance while still trying to figure out when the ball is going to drop, only for our predictions to come true soon after. Sadly, I think that has become the norm.

In today’s day and age of technology, platforms like Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge have exploited the dating game. Matchmaking often happens by swiping right and left, making potential daters literally disposable across the board. The ease of applications and online dating has allowed ghosting to take new form. What used to require courage and effort now requires the swipe of a profile and some shallow flirting. Boom, you’re in. Literally. I’m tired of hearing and sharing stories of how people have such bad luck when it comes to dating. Guys (and girls) have become so lazy that no one wants to try and actually get to know the person of interest. Are you available? Do you have a brain? Is it turned off? If so, let’s meet up. Terms such as “Ghosting” and “Bread Crumbing” have become so common that there are literally blogs where people share their stories! I mean how sad is that? Just like Drew Barrymore from ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’, trying to track communication on multiple platforms of social media is EXHAUSTING. I mean, how many ways can you decipher someone’s level of interest before you’re lost in the mixed signals?

After seeing how confused and upset people have become on the receiving end of ghosting or douche-ness, I decided to be more straightforward YEARS ago.  And although the conversations are difficult, they are necessary. If I am interested/not interested, I am very straightforward and honest. No matter how the situation may be, if I take out time to interact with that individual, I respect them as a person to give an honest answer. Even if it’s a short response, being honest is just part of being a standup woman or man. “‘Listen I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t think this is going to move forward in a romantic way,” is such an easy thing to say. (Heck, you can even copy paste that from here). Although I will say, I have been honest with guys and they tend to lash out in different ways. Someone once threw my nice heels out the window! It happens. Why do we run away from confrontation? What’s the point of playing games?  Are you that much of a coward to not share your thoughts? What if someone did that to you? On the flip side, I think if there’s something you want, you should be upfront about it. If I like someone, I pick up the phone and ask them to hang out or make conversation. I don’t think game playing makes sense at all nor does avoidance, and if someone doesn’t respond well to directness, then they weren’t the right person for you anyway. AMIIIRIIIIGHT?

Now, I am not sitting here and telling you that girls are saints and “aw look at me, I’m a victim” because I am most definitely not and other girls are not saints. I am hoping this gives those who are guilty of doing the same some perspective on how to behave – if applicable. We have all made mistakes or have played games to various degrees, but what I am trying to communicate is that eventually it will get us nowhere. Whether you are meeting someone organically or not, in real life or sliding into DMs, you will feel a lot better if you are more respectful in your intentions. At the end of the day, no one wants to deal with someone’s big ego and like they always say, honesty is the best policy.

**P.S. Yes, the screenshot above was a real conversation. I keep it hundo. Sorry about it.